I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
