Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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