you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
