She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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