Got a toothbrush?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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