dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
