We won't sleep together?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
someone owes me an orgasm
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize