Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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