You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
