She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
