New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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