the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
