i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
thus making me awesome and them whores
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
