I want you more than these girls want KFC
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Randomize
