I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Randomize
