Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
