He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
