My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
