dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
