I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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