found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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