i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
