you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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