Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
