i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
