is your mom at the bar?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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