Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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