New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
