i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
