I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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