I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
