i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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