Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
