I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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