Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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