if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A+ Viking dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
