We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
