I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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