I am puke
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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