Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
