I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
