Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
