I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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