ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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