I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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