I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
