you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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