I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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