i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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