New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
