i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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