OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
