My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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