The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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