i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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