I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
