You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
