we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
