GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
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