He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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