After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
