Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
