Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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