so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
