Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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