listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
